Jesse’s Blog

Friday, August 22, 2008

Evil Frozen Icebox of Inescapable Doom!!!

There’s a lot going on in my life that I should be blogging about. My brother just moved to India, we have restructured the company and given me a promotion, I just spent a week in Goa, and I have some kickass new music equipment I’ll be using in my new band. However, none of this seems quite as interesting or indeed pertinent as the fact that my icebox has taken over my fridge. Seriously. I can no longer shut the door because the solid block of frozen water is protruding out too far. The entire interior is soaking wet. The floor of my kitchen is like a monsoon flood. For the love of God and all that is good and sane! There’s only one thing to do: Clean out that biznatch and unplug it before it’s too late.

Icebox of Doom

[update @ 3:33 AM: The entire fridge is now sitting thawing on the patio, perishables trashed, non-perishables sitting on the counter.]

posted by Jesse at 2:23 am  

Saturday, August 9, 2008

You want me to wear what?

Aqua Poolside This place continually and comically contradicts itself, or so as much as my life is concerned (scientifically regarded as an accurate control specimen for “normalcy” in India). Today, in the same town where a police officer once scolded me in broken English for walking around with my shirt off (“This India. You naked.”), I have been asked to wear less clothing next time I go to the pool.

They want me to wear a Speedo.

Let’s back up a bit so you can experience the utter absurdity of my situation. I’ll break into screenplay format:

EXT. POOL DECK – DAY

A posh, upscale residential community in Uttar Pradesh, India. Hot mid-morning sun blankets the deck. Workers mosey about doing a horrible job of what they are paid to do, but hiding it well.

JESSE strolls unassumingly across the pool deck. He is dressed simply and comfortably in a tank top and plain black swimming trunks that he has been wearing to the pool for years.

GUARD intercepts JESSE, speaking Hinglish.

GUARD

Swimming costume theek nahi hai. Not allowed.

JESSE

What?

GUARD

Not allowed.

JESSE

Why?

GUARD

No sir.

JESSE

Why? I don’t understand.

GUARD

Sir. <Incomprehensible Hindi with minimal English.>

JESSE

Hey. Mein nahi janta. Hindi nahi janta. English.

GUARD motions for JESSE to follow. JESSE places his BlackBerry and other possessions carefully on a chair. They walk across the deck and approach the FACILITY MANAGER, with whom JESSE has an awkward cordial relationship.

JESSE
(Shaking hands with FACILITY MANAGER)

Hey, man. What’s going on?

GUARD and FACILITY MANAGER converse briefly in Hindi.

FACILITY MANAGER

Actually, this shorts is not allowed. You must wear proper swimming costume.

JESSE
(Pulling purposefully at his shorts)

This IS a swimming costume! I wear it only in the pool. Look, it has netting inside and it’s even a Speedo brand.

FACILITY MANAGER

OK sir. Next time. Now, OK. Enjoy.

JESSE

Thanks but I really don’t understand. In my country this is a swimming costume. What do you want me to wear next time?

GUARD

Actually, in India this is not proper swimming costume. This is a shorts.

(Motions to upper thigh in the shape of tight boxer-briefs)

Something here smaller. Tight-fitting.

JESSE

Let me get this straight. You’re Indian, this is India, and you’re telling me to wear LESS clothing?

FACILITIES MANAGER
(Laughing)

Yes sir. Next time.

In the background, a worker sprays JESSE’S BlackBerry with water from his gardening hose.

posted by Jesse at 2:26 pm  

Friday, August 8, 2008

Do I get beers on voting day, too?

Last night out in Delhi I met up with some friends from the Democrats Abroad group doing a pub crawl to register voters. Practically with beer in hand I filled up the form and registered to receive my absentee ballot. I think this is a good strategy. Do we do this back home?? Hahah!

Voting Registration-03

KUKI-03KUKI-01
posted by Jesse at 3:41 pm  

Monday, August 4, 2008

Drag Queens of Delhi

Queen of Fun

Aug 4th 2008 article in the Hindustan Times, HT City p3

On Thursday we organized a drag party at one of Delhi’s nightclubs. The ratio of guys dressed in drag to girls dressed in drag was really low (you all know I’m a crazy mofo and was, of course, one of the 2 guys decked out to the level of the girls). The looks on peoples’ faces were priceless, especially when we started dancing in front of the DJ at Capitol! Can’t wait until next month when we have an entirely new but equally awesome theme.

Oh. You probably want to know what we looked like:

drag queens-02
drag queens-06
drag queens-01
drag queens-00
posted by Jesse at 1:34 pm  

Powered by WordPress